Mental Health and Masculinity: Why Men struggle to ask for help.

By Hazel Ndebele 

At some point,  every male child has been told the statement, “A man does not cry”. Growing up and reaching adulthood, men are already programmed to suppress their emotions, because expressing them has been labelled as weakness. They are also expected to be strong for the females around them, even during situations that are tearing them apart. Husbands are expected to be strong for their wives and be the pillar of strength, even in situations that affect both of them. Fathers are also supposed to remain the strong figure in their children’s lives, no matter what happens. 

In some cases men fail to even take a break and focus on their mental health because the hustle for the family must go on. This is especially a challenge in developing countries,  where families survive on a hand-to-mouth basis, and any slacking means there will not be food on the table. Unfortunately, this suppression of negative emotions has a way of manifesting. Below are some signs that a man is struggling silently 

When a man is failing to ask for help, he can become distant from other people. He becomes isolated, in an effort to pull himself together without ‘bothering anyone’.

Sometimes, the violent men in society were not always that way. They may have had experiences that affected them negatively, failed to get help, and became angry instead. Usually, this internalized anger shows up randomly and unfortunately, the person’s loved ones are at the receiving end. Men who beat up or abuse their wives or become fathers who are feared by their own children, are sometimes just men who need assistance in terms of mental health issues.

For many, trying to forget the struggles becomes their best bet. Many turn to alcohol to escape feeling certain emotions. Unfortunately, alcohol wears off, and the sober sense kicks in again, which makes the solution very temporary. The solution finally becomes overconsumption, and the cycle continues. This only leads to further sinking. 

In cases where one feels so defeated by a situation that they begin to sink into a dark place, depression kicks in. It may not be apparent,  just a general lack of interest in things that normally were interesting, to finally being unable to even get out of bed. It looks different across individuals, but it is a silent cry for help.

There are a lot of other signs that show that a man is struggling with mental health, but is failing to ask for help. Here are some ways in which assistance can be given.

In cases where you can see a person struggling in silence, step up by actually helping them with whatever burden they have. Offering help to people also gives them the permission to ask for it when they need it.

Do not seem pushy. Allow the person to accept help without feeling pressured to do so. People struggling with mental health can withdraw when they feel pushed.

2.Be practical 

Do not only offer to help, but also go ahead and actually do it. Offer to take care of some of the bills to ease the burden on male breadwinners. Allow the person to get a break by offering a helping hand with certain tasks. The little things to make the person feel seen can go a very long way in teaching a person to ask for help.

Always remember, turning a blind eye to the struggles of the people around you is not a solution. No help offered is too small. It is also advisable to seek professional help, as mental health issues can be very complex.