Mother’s Day Special: The Mental Load Mothers Carry and How We Can Support Them

By Ajayi Oluwayemi Ifeoluwa

Mother’s Day is a heartfelt opportunity to celebrate the compassion, resilience, and unwavering presence of mothers. It is a day to pause and appreciate the love and patience that mothers pour into their families every single day. But beyond the flowers, tender hugs, birthday cakes, and neatly packed school lunches lies a quiet, constant responsibility that many carry: The Mental Load. It’s invisible, yet deeply felt. It’s silent, yet incredibly loud in its impact.

The mental load refers to the mental and emotional effort (invisible labor) involved in managing a household and caregiving responsibilities. It is the relentless checklist in a mother’s head that never truly ends:

And so much more.

Unlike physical chores, which are visible and often shared, the mental load is about anticipating needs, organizing tasks, and being the default point of contact for everything. This labor is usually shouldered by mothers. Even in homes where tasks are divided, mothers often carry the responsibility of remembering, planning, and anticipating.

Take Amaka as an example. A mother of three, she works full-time as a nurse. Her husband cooks twice a week and does school drop-offs. But Amaka manages the emotional schedules, she knows which child struggles with math, which one had a rough day, and which teacher needs to be emailed. She’s the one organizing birthday parties, scheduling doctor visits, and making grocery lists in her head during night shifts. She wakes up early to pack snacks for a school trip no one else remembered, keeps track of when the kids need new shoes, and plans every family gathering. 

Or consider Linda, a stay-at-home mom, who starts her day at 5 a.m. to prep meals and school bags. She handles the household finances, juggles her toddler’s tantrums, coordinates play dates, and ensures her eldest child attends therapy. Despite having more “time at home,” she barely gets a moment to herself.

This constant juggling isn’t just tiring, it’s emotionally exhausting.

The mental load can lead to chronic stress, fatigue, anxiety, and even depression. Because it is rarely acknowledged, mothers may feel unappreciated or even guilty for struggling. Over time, this can affect emotional well-being and family relationships. When mental burdens go unseen, so too does the emotional toll they take. 

1. Recognize and Acknowledge the Load: Validation is powerful. Simply saying, “I see everything you do” can make mothers feel seen and appreciated. This emotional support can lighten the burden more than we realize.

2. Share Responsibility, Not Just Tasks: Supporting mothers means taking initiative. Don’t just help when asked; take ownership. For instance, if your partner usually handles dinner, offer to plan the meals and buy the groceries too. If a mother is organizing a birthday party, ask, “What can I take completely off your plate?”

3. Make Space for Conversations: Create a safe environment for honest discussions. Let mothers speak about how they’re feeling emotionally, not just what they’re doing for others. Listen with empathy, not judgment. Sometimes, being heard is all they need.

4. Encourage Flexibility in Workplaces: Employers can support working mothers by offering flexible work hours, remote work options, and mental health resources. A compassionate workplace significantly reduces stress and improves work-life balance.

5. Build Community and Support Networks: Organize parenting circles, support groups, or neighborhood swaps for school runs and child care. When mothers are supported by their communities, their emotional loads become easier to bear.

6. Prioritize Mental Health Resources: Encourage mothers to seek therapy or counseling when needed. Normalize taking breaks and asking for help. Provide access to resources like local mental health helplines or wellness programs to make support accessible.

This Mother’s Day, let’s go beyond saying “thank you”. Let’s redefine what it means to honor mothers, this Mother’s Day. Yes, flowers and breakfast in bed are lovely, but acknowledging the full picture of what mothers carry and actively helping to lighten that load is a deeper, more lasting gift.

Because when we hold a hand, we lift a heart, and that’s a gift no bouquet can match.