The Cost of Compromise

By Chileshe Kaoma

Growing up, I always wanted to work in the field of customer support. My father was a businessman and I could see how happy his clients were with his service, how they enjoyed his chatty nature and I too wanted to offer excellent customer satisfaction as a business owner. But things don’t always go as planned. 

When I enrolled in University, because of financial constraints, I had to study Administration Management with Education when initially I wanted Business Administration. When I finally started job hunting it proved to be a difficult task as I couldn’t get a job for a year. At this point it did not matter which job I would be offered, I just wanted to make money and get some form of financial independence. 

When I finally got a job, I was ecstatic not about the job per se but about earning an income and being able to make a financial contribution to the family as the first child. Growing up in an African home as the oldest child, a time comes when the family counts on you to contribute to the household financially. This haunted me so much that when I got the job I needed to make it count. 

One thing I liked about my new job was that it allowed me to interact with people because I was a Front Desk Manager. However, I merely accepted the offer because nothing else had come up and no matter how much I tried to be happy, in the back of my mind I knew the industry I had joined was not what I wanted. Further, the hours were long with low remuneration and I couldn’t save for anything.

After 8 months of employment, I started to have migraines daily but I stayed because I needed the money and that’s all that mattered to me at the time. I chose to compromise so that I could make everyone around me happy and this cost me my mental and physical health. The problem with making compromises to keep a job is that you will most likely suffer in silence with the hope that you will be rewarded for your compromise.

‘Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose’. This is a quote from ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ by Viktor E. Frankl. In the book, Vicktor emphasizes that being stuck in a career that lacks fulfillment can weigh heavily on one’s sense of purpose, making life feel more burdensome than it needs to be. 

I tried to make things work because I had to and I needed the money, but the more effort I put the more stressed I got and I started to have trouble sleeping because I was scared to fail my family and most of all myself and let alone fail at my first job. When I made the decision to hand in my resignation notice, I cried because it was not an easy one but I knew that is what I needed if I wanted to grow personally and professionally. I was at a point where I felt stuck at my job but I stayed because I liked making my own money and I needed it. In short, I was at a crossroads and I needed to pick a route. 

I figured that what helped me during this journey was that I had a shoulder to lean on. I had friends I could talk to because I knew they would lend a listening ear. It is not easy to open up when you are going through a difficult time but it helps make the burden feel lighter. ‘A problem shared is a problem half solved’. Sometimes the problem may not be solved but sharing a burden will definitely give the clarity needed to solve the problem. 

Another thing that also helped me was acknowledging that I am so much bigger than the box I was placed in. Sometimes you feel out of place in an environment because you simply don’t belong. Know that you’re there only for a moment and do the best that you can while you’re there. I like to believe that certain things only happen for a moment but for a reason. It’s a phase and we should treat it as such, it will pass. I held on to my job while hoping for the best and that kept me going.  

The other thing that gave me comfort in the moment was the interactions from the clients and just knowing that a client was happy about a service I gave them, gave me some form of peace. It gave me a sense of calm and as someone who from time to time would experience panic attacks, this was of big help and so I stayed. 

I had the hope of always getting a new job before leaving my previous one but that never came. Even without getting a new job, I still realized that my wellness and mental health were more important than staying at a job where I compromised my health. I also realized that there’s nothing wrong with starting afresh. You may be holding yourself down by staying in an environment that will stifle your growth. Sometimes your growth requires you to leave a familiar environment for a new beginning. Do not be afraid to do that or you will live in regret. 

I would like to sum up by saying; I know things can be hard sometimes but it is important to put yourself and your health first. No one will take care of you the way you can. Make sure to surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart because that is the only way you will flourish. I remember my family and friends being happy and relieved that I had resigned because they knew the environment I had been subjected to was toxic and this was affecting me and they cared. All in all, do what is best for you and put yourself first then everything else will follow through.